another day...im 22 for a moment...

how could i have let myself get so consumed?

looking back now i know there have been several moments when i could have stopped and forced my eyes and heart to be open to the fact that it will never be.

sure, maybe it's just over-analyzing...but i am a pretty observant girl and things like this just don't happen by accident. it's meant for a purpose. and it hurts.

at least most people have the decency and the compassion to...well....i don't know. communicate.

this has to end. stop. die. whatever, it just needs to leave so i can start dwelling on things that actually matter in my life. not that it doesnt matter. i care, but it will not cross that line...no matter how tempting it is. thank you grey's anatomy.

stop.

think.

what's the problem?

stop.

think.

say how you feel.

no, this is not some ramblings about my life. that was a song from preschool. when you are in a situation that is heading south you need to stop, think about the here and now, ask yourself what's the problem then stop and think about the problem then let the person know how you feel.

it's fascinating to me how early we try to prepare children to be socially acceptable and controlled. and it's fascinating to me how quickly people forget these early life lessons. you would think a catchy tune like that would stick with a person forever.

uh....this whole early childhood thing is taking over my being. i went to a conference on saturday and it actually motivated me. i'm not supposed to be motivate to be a better early childhood teacher...that is not what i want. but, it's not about that. i realized this weekend how truly selfish i have been in with my career choices. who the hell am i to say what goes?

and my punishment for being so selfish....the "i told you so" feeling i get whenever i get a hug from one of those kids. the way he tells me "i love you miss elizabeth". the way he only ever wants to sit by me. the way she dances to music and tries to sing realize by colbie calliat. how they are always the two that are awake 30 minutes before everyone else and they just lay there playing copy-cat with my facial expressions.

i can't feel this way. i was never supposed to. i never intended to actually enjoy this age group.

so what do i do? can i even make the choice to one day leave the center? i would break hearts and that is not what i am about bc i can't stand that feeling of a broken heart myself.

so again, what's a girl to do?

the only thing i can do. intentionality. it's how i do....that was for you kels.

take on everyday as though it is their only day. what will they remember from that one and only day.

be real.

be relaxed.

be intentional.

be consistent.

.....oy....what a post.

and to end on a high note......